Echo Beach

          Everything happens at once. Almost ten weeks ago I started a class in color theory. Within that ten weeks I had a spectacular trip to a San Francisco convention, a violent car accident, experienced the largest earthquake of my life, dealt with an obnoxious insurance claims agent for a full month, bought a new car, lost a key player at work, and learned a hell of a lot about the philosophy of color theory.
          While all of this ferment boiled around me I watched the crocuses from last year come up and bloom thicker and healthier then ever before, watched my eleven year old amaryllis and my new 1 year old amaryllis both bloom with four spectacular trumpets, enjoyed a beautiful snowfall, and fully adapted to a new, and I think healthier philosophy of "more sympathy and less empathy". I call this new philosophy "I Don't Care!" but only because of the strong visceral feeling I get when I say "I don't care!".
          As I observed myself through all of this chaos and beauty I found that my stress coping talents needed review. There was a weekend where I had a continual head ache, a roar in my ears and my pulse rate wouldn't settle down below 90 bpm. I was pissed, frustrated at an abusive and manipulative insurance claims agent, I was without transportation, and all in all not dealing with life very well. In the process of reviewing my coping mechanism I came to the conclusion that I was in unhealthy shape and needed to turn some of my habits around. My Uncle just went through major heart surgery and it made me think some. I asked a good friend how he dealt with stress, he's going through a lot right now, and he said rather casually "walking and writing".
          Walking? I always used to walk. I'd walk for miles. I could certainly do that again. For the past two weeks I've put in at least two miles a day if not more. That's not too long, but already I've noticed a difference in that I have more energy. I don't feel I need to fall asleep as soon as I get home.
The creativity on the other hand, the writing and the drawing, that always seems to suffer when I get stressed out. For some reason I connect creativity with stress rather then with relaxation. I've allowed my creativity to slide as soon as stress pops up its ugly head. That needs to change, and I think I may have a solution. Of course I need to deal with stress better, and that will help. I also need to allow myself to learn the tools of the crafts I want to pursue. At the same time I need to be less of a perfectionist and allow myself to make the mistakes. As my instructor in color theory said; "If you make a mistake say 'oops, look at that' and continue. Don't get frustrated, and above all else, have fun. This is supposed to be fun."
          That certainly applies to all aspects of living. Life is supposed to be fun. It's like the pallet for class; I won't learn anything about color theory if I study and analyze what steps I am going to take rather then taking the steps. Am I going to throw my imagination on a blank canvas by looking at it or by throwing paint at it? If I want to know how color behaves I need to throw paint at the pallet and dig in. I need to throw myself into my life and dig in, mix up the colors. A number of years ago my niece often watched "The Magic School Bus". The teacher from that show would always advise her students "Jump in! Make mistakes! Get messy!" It's advice that bears observing.
          The stress comes from 'not doing'. The stress comes from over analyzing. Life is exciting, as car wrecks, earthquakes, and blooming flowers will testify. Life is going to mix it up whether I do the mixing or not. So I'll be adding a little bit of the carefree attitude to my responsible character from now on. For the next few years I may drive some family and friends a little crazy as I jump in headfirst. It may seem that I'm not thinking about consequences, which will be unnerving for some. I may be analyzing my path a lot less and taking more action first.

          I'll be working with my pallet of life a lot more.